it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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