Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i think i just lost a toe
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
