i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
