The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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