You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
