WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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