no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
