I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
