This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
