I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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