in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i think my cat just said my name.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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