help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
