idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ok first of all what the fuck
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
