Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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