Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
