He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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