I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
