I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
