In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
