Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
