My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
