Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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