I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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