That's when you crack a 10am beer
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
