So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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