I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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