I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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