Ambien. No doubt about it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
