Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i drank out of a bidet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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