apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
