I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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