dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
well you can't waste a boner
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
