I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
