It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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