I think I am morally bankrupt
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
