Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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