She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
