im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
