So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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