I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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