Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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