Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
