My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
