I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
