FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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