oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
