if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
