right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
