I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
