ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
