Yo dont text me then not text me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
