you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
