I'm drive I can fine osifer
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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