I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
bring money and cleavage
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
